Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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