i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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