Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize