So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
