I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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