we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
