Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
