I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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