I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
