If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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