Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
