The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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