i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
