I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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