theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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