i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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