guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
