that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
