She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
