Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
