Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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