While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
