I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize