A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
