i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
