It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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