Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
