i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
