So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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