3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
