shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
