the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
