I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize