At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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