so that wasnt chicken after all
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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