So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
