We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize