it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
