I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
