I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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