I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
