Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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