id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
