We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think my moral compass just broke
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
