We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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