If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
