I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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