I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize