I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't deserve a penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
