dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
