I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
