Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
