I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
