the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
