something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
