wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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