I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
