Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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