You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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