he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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