Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
