She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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